Finders GiversPosted: January 31, 2014 Filed under: friendship, identity, marriage | Tags: expectations, give, marriage Leave a comment
And now, Lord, what do I wait for and expect? My hope and expectation are in You. Psalm 39:7 (AMP)
Our kids have provided Jeff and I with some funny and memorable quotes. I try to write them down before my aging memory loses them forever. “finders givers” was one of those quotes. “You know when you find something and you say “finders keepers”. Well, its kind of like that. Except you don’t keep it – you give it away. Finders Givers!” they told me. For some reason I’m inspired use this expression as the title for this post about expectations. Maybe when you read to the end you’ll be able to make the connection also.
What kind of expectations do you have? Always for the best, the way things should be, were meant to be…everything fair and right.
Here’s a good quote. “An expectation is just an offence waiting to happen.”
Are you ever disappointed or offended when someone does not meet your expectations?
-Expecting my husband to be as expressive as I am. Should he not be giving with his thoughts and feelings, especially about me?
-I went to all this trouble and they didn’t even say thank you!
-I’m leaving this organization since I’m not getting the recognition and appreciation I deserve.
It’s easy to feel shortchanged and shafted at times like this. Why? We expected to get something and didn’t get what we wanted. The expectations I listed above reveal just how much I expect people to meet emotional needs. Sadly it’s also an example of giving…to get.
Here is an interesting thought. Sometimes people do meet our expectations. Sometimes they give us what we want…and we take it, gladly. Then since we have found a reliable “source”, we may go back to it and fill up again; like a thirsty person to a well. But then later on we may complain that the water isn’t as cold as it once was. Or maybe the water is dirty and we are not as happy with this “well” as we used to be. This reveals that we are not interested in the person at all, only in what we could get from them.
So large are the demands I put on the poor souls that surround me! My Jeff can attest to many a desperate cry from this little wife. Give to me! Give me assurance, give me affection, give me intimacy! (Do you hear the neediness…the desperation?)
There is a still, true voice from inside me that says, “Take some time, go pray. Only God can help you reconcile this. Your soul cries out for something that Jeff can’t give.
“But I want him to give it to me!”
In John 4:4-26, Jesus approached an old well and there he met a woman drawing water. In their conversation he tells her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst.”…
She replies, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”
He says, “Go, call your husband and come back.”
Reading on from here we learn that this woman was very thirsty and has been trying to quench her thirst from the wrong source. Men. I can only imagine what her soul cried out to those men, give me affection, give me security, give me direction, and for crying out loud give me a ring!
We mistakenly expect so much out of poor human beings and expect so little from all-powerful God. Unfortunately my attitude toward God can be that I’ll just take whatever comes from Him. This can sound very healthy and mature. It shows that I know He is really in control and that I am just content with what He gives me. The sad part about this attitude is that I have no need to get too excited about asking Him for anything nor do I cry out to him in desperation. He will just do what He will do. This is not the relationship that my heavenly Father wants to have with me. He wants me to ask, seek and knock. I am convinced that there is no sweeter sound to Jesus than a desperate cry to him for help. He wants active communication with us. Not just a passive relationship. He has so much He wants to give me and show me, if I’ll just seek him for it instead of my husband.
And when I find my thirsty heart quenched by God’s living water, then I can give to Jeff.
pray with me
Oh Father how needy we are for You today! Forgive me when I ignore you and look to my husband, family and friends to be what only You can be for me. We need Your help to make us full. Teach us to expect great things from You and let people be human so we can really give from an overflowing heart. Amen.
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. Psalm 5:3
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. Psalm 62:5
They cried to you and were saved; in you they trusted and were not disappointed. Psalm 22:5
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, Ephesians 3:20
think with me
This truth has allowed me to enjoy people more fully, and experience a truly genuine exchange and peace in my relationships.
Has God revealed to you any “wells” that don’t satisfy?
Is it a “well” that you need to walk away from?
Or does God simply want you to start coming to Him so that you can relate to this other person in a different way?