“Let’s do lunch today. I’ve got to tell you what so and so did…”
“Well that’s not what I heard…”
These statements here represent small examples of a gossip trap. There is also the delightful magazine headlines at the grocery checkout. Why do I love to read silly headlines about celebrities?! As damaging as gossip is, it still sells. It’s juicy and delicious and people want it. Says so in the bible…
The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to a man’s inmost parts –Proverbs 26:22
Our Elmwood ladies gathered on August 3rd to bring the topic of Gossip into the light of God’s word. Here’s a recap…
1) Gossip reveals a desire for Power and Influence
There is a certain amount of satisfaction that we get when we know something that few people know. How wonderful it feels to be included. To be important enough to know. It’s hard to keep that to ourselves. We want all our friends to know just how important we are. “Let me tell you how it all went down. Step right up and get the facts here… or at least what my friend told me.”
We like to be the informant of people’s life events, some of which are private. At the heart of this mess of gossip is a prideful arrogance and desperate need of importance. I confess to feeling the rush of being part of the gossip. Being “in the know” feels good. I have felt like one of the cool girls in an inner circle of social knowledge. I have also been consumed by these experiences too. If you were ever wondering where you can find drama’s address, it’s here on Gossip St. Who knows what, who said what exactly and how did it get twisted. Whose feelings are hurt and who is the jerk. At this age I can still feel left out if I wasn’t invited or told or included but many times I see that all I missed out on was a lot of drama and nonsense. This is real ladies and I pray that you and me can recognize this tendency in our relationships and commit to start finding our ego strength in the God who made us uniquely important for His own special purposes.
2) Gossip is Divisive
A troublemaker plants seeds of strife; gossip separates the best of friends. –Proverbs 16:28
I’ve witnessed families and friendships torn apart by someone spreading negative ideas and information about a person. Pitting siblings against one another. Driving wedges between spouses. Creating dissention in the ranks at the workplace and planting seeds of doubt. It comes to us naturally. We get mad and we want to vent. We want to draw others to us and away from the offender. Have you ever been offended by someone, had a misunderstanding of sorts? Then in a socially weak moment just rant on about what that person did, forever singeing this negative information in the minds of your hearers. Never mind that you got over it a week later. The gossip lives on. Like trying to put feathers back on a plucked chicken on a windy day, so you will never be able to fix the far reaches of damaging words. I like to think that most people are very smart and will say to themselves, “You know, that does sound pretty bad. But despite this unfortunate news, I’m not going to let it jade my opinions about the other.” But many are not. It is here that we would all be better off to just speak openly with the person we have an issue with, not talk to everybody else about them.
Answer this: Do you think a person would be more upset if you came to speak to them about the problem directly or if they found out that you spoke to everybody else about it?
So what can we do?
A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret. –Proverbs 11:13
When a friend comes to you with damaging news about someone. Take it as they are looking for advice on how to handle it. Or that they just need to take a load off. Then let it stop with you. Say that you will pray about this. Handle it vertically with God. Not horizontally by telling more people about it.
Without wood a fire goes out; without gossip a quarrel dies down. –Proverbs 26:20
I have been reading Laura Ingalls Wilder’s books to my kids. Laura quotes her mothers wisdom…“Least said soonest mended”. A testament to Proverbs 26:20.
Even truthful words can be damaging so choose wisely where and when you use them. Here’s another great Caroline Ingalls quote.
So we watch what we say and to whom.
We encourage our kids to think the best of one another. We use our words to unite, not cause division. As women, sisters, mothers, grandmothers and aunts we have such an incredible influence. We are in such a prime situation to bring our families together. Yet many times we do the opposite. We don’t think the best about others, we assume the worst. Without addressing the issue directly we assume they meant to hurt. Women ALL OF US struggle with this issue so much. It is here in this dark underworld of gossip that we need to be women who shine the light of understanding. Who walk away from that juicy morsel knowing that it is laced with heartache.
Lets take Hebrews 10:24 to heart today…”And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.”
Lets love one another they way our Savior does. Let’s do our best to put others in the best light.
Assignment: When is the last time you gave a grown woman a compliment. A sincere complement. Do this. Tell her what you notice about her and how great it is. Watch her. She may look down bashfully. That’s only because it’s been a while since someone noticed her. She may brighten…and the whole room will brighten with her!
God bless you ladies! I will see you tomorrow night (Mon. the 24th) at Alicia’s house! Well talk about difficulties following our husband’s leadership.